Bikram Yoga: A “Blind” Revelation
I recently started Bikram yoga classes. They’re intense, 90 minute, physically demanding exercises done in a 100 degree room. It is *very* hard to maintain any kind of attractiveness when you’re drenched with sweat and red-faced. And it can be especially difficult when you and your entire class are facing a mirrored wall; not only do you have to look at yourself, but others can look at you too.
Having been overweight since I can remember, I have become a very self-conscious person. I think constantly about how ugly I look, how deformed I feel, and compare my self constantly to those around me. And then I had this revelation in yoga.
It all started when the sweat was dripping into my eyes and because there are no breaks between postures, I had very little time to wipe the sweat off, given that my glasses were always in the way. Also, it was difficult to do some of the “head to knee” or “face to floor” arrangements when my glasses were in the way. So I just took them off. Sure, I was blind. And no, I could not see myself in the mirror.
I felt this secret glee at not being able to see anything other than hazy shapes. All thoughts of others’ judgments, all nervousness and self-consciousness just magically lifted. By essentially blinding myself, I entered my own little private sanctuary of hazy bliss.
I suppose this story isn’t all too inspirational. The moral to a story should never be “blind yourself”, I suppose. And I’m sure there are better ways to confront one’s feelings of self-doubt and projected revulsion than to shut yourself off from the outside.. But it felt nice, and I found some peace. And I suppose that’s not a bad thing– getting used to the feeling of knowing that you can be fat, clumsy, sweaty, and red-faced in a room of thin, flexible, graceful yogaphiles and block out all the negative energy that you create against yourself by comparison and self-doubt. Maybe one day I won’t need to take off the glasses.
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i think that’s a great story… never know when something small will create such a feeling of revelation
Brilliant. I too am struggling to find confidence. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and this most interesting activity and experience.
I have heard that Madonna and Gwenth do it and am curious. Thanks for sharing. I really want to do this and I never want to do any classes…. now this says something.
I too have had this experience of removing my glasses suddenly to feel the confidence. It makes no sense but I have felt like I was in that safe box of space. It is strange how our mind and eyes can hinder us. I try to remember that I am not my thoughts, but it is not so easy. We will keep plugging along.
Have a good one.
Thanks for your story. I think there is something Universal about it. As I was reading it, I thought about how I tend to view myself thru the lense of socially created beauty. By removing your glasses, you were seeing with your real eyes… perhaps shedding along with them the popular beauty myth. That is a the ideal place for me to be. When I force myself into the cookie cutter of “appropriate” size and appearance, I lose parts of myself. I prefer to be whole, thank you. Thanks for a telling tale of that process.
Self confidence was never a strong point for me either! I am glad you are working through it though! When i was working out at the gym I was always afraid of what others were thinking of me at first! Then this thought hit me like a lightning bolt! “Wait a minute, I am here to work out too, and wether they think badly or not of me , I had one mission to workout and get healthy “! So just remember they are there for the same reason you are! It might give you back a little power in your mind and make you feel better ! Hugs, Kimmi
